Sunday, February 24, 2008

You Are Now Free to Be a Complete Dickwad

Southwest Airlines gives people lots of reasons to dislike them. Their open seating policy. No food on the flight. Stewardesses who make Carlos Mencia seem like a fucking laugh riot. So why have they inflicted these “productivity enhancer” commercials on us? I have no problems with Southwest, but they're making me turn against them with this campaign.

First off, the guy playing “Nick,” looks like an utter douchebag. You might as well pop his collar and put a pink Red Sox hat on him. They did go for realism because everyone has a ball sac like this in their office. He thinks the Foo Fighters really kick ass, but keeps a John Mayer CD in his car in case he brings a girl home from the bar where he nurses a Smirnoff Ice during Happy Hour. He definitely deserves a nut punch.

And b, how in the hell does standing in line to push your way to a seat where you will listen to low-grade comedy before eating a shitty snack box enhance your productivity? You're more productive because you have such incredible OCD that you checked in the moment you could and got in the first line? You'll do better at your job because you saved a few bucks on your fare?

I get the whole riffing off the baseball steroids thing, but there's just one thing wrong with that approach. It's fucking retarded.

Southwest should just advertise the truth – they will leave you more money to gamble and drink. Show Nick in a puddle of his own vomit in New Orleans. Make Nick explain that he called in sick that one Friday because he got a great deal on a trip to Vegas. Let's see Nick buying drinks for some skank on Spring Break because he got a $69 ticket to Ft. Lauderdale.

That's why we fly Southwest Airlines. Or so I hear.

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