Thursday, January 31, 2008

Hey, Pfizer... Nice Spokeswoman... Idiots.

Look, I'm not gonna take issue with the fact that our nation's televisions are awash in Big Pharma ads. And I'm not going to go on some screed about made up illnesses. Hell, my friend Kevin tells me Fibromyalgia is, indeed, real. And he's old, so he probably knows what he's talking about, right? You know what? I'm not even going to define wtf Fibromyalgia even is. Don't know, don't care.

No... here at the Champagne of Blogs, we don't get into all that lofty shit. What I come to discuss with you today, dear readers, is the absolute idiocy going on with the ad firm that plucked this whiny bitch to be their spokesperson. Sweet Mother of Pearl! Look at her... She looks like a giraffe walking around in a guillotine store. That is one long-necked, stressed out lady.

Thanks, Pfizer. I now want to kill a woman who's only crime is to be the saddest sack of crap on my TV on any given night. And it's not like I want to put her out of her misery. Nope. She makes me mad. And I know I'm not alone on this.

I have a friend -- let's call her "Kristi" -- and she's one of the nicest people you'll ever meet. She reports that the sight of this woman makes her want to kill someone. Now I ask you, is that the kind of reaction you want, Pfizer, out of your advertising? Turning sweet, caring, normally happy people into folks capable of stabbing a sickly woman in the eye with a fork?! (Ok, "Kristi" never said she'd do that, but whatevs.)

Look, let's just cut the bullshit and lay it on the line: You've got a situation here, Pfizer. You've put this woman in danger. The "Kristis" of the world are legion, they are strong... and they hate this woman. The blood is on your hands when a bunch of middle-aged women (apparently the group most effected by Fibro) turn up with forks jammed in their eye sockets.

Then again... Knowing the evilness that Big Pharma is capable of, next thing you know, we'll see "Sockestra," a new drug that eases the pain of having a kitchen utensil jammed in your eye hole.

I hate you, Pfizer.


BRL said...

My worst part is from about 9-12 seconds into the commercial. She's one of those people who's mouth makes too many liquid-y noises even when she speaks, and for some reason there's a cacophany of offensive sounds ranging from setting down the book, to her mouth noises, to an annoyed (probably Fybromyalgia) sigh as she begins her impassioned plea.

jer said...

This is the best post, in my opinion.